日期：2011-06-03 10:01:21

我终于有了勇气写了这个给她。下面什么都没改。在见她之前写这个，也许是，她今天告诉我，现在瑞典像白天一样，也许是，她告诉我，她今天离开西班牙哭了一整天，也许我不知道也许。

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Sometimes, I tried to figure out why I am so attracted to you, you are probably the person whom I could only use the word `click` to describe my feelings.

It`s beautiful, considering that we have only spent probably more than 30 days together, its short, really short. And so I am not sure, then I was sure, and there is one thing I am not confused about at all, is you are very special to me, I like you, or, possibly, if love is an emotion, then I could say I love you, now, dont laugh, I couldnt really write down that line without hesitating, its typical me, I hesitated, deleted, then wrote down again, like that, a lot of times, but I chose to face my fear, I have to be, I guess.

I thought about millions of possibilities, millions of outcomes,random moments, sometimes I wonder, do we ever lack a conversation like this? We do, probably and probably, we both automatically blocked that conversation. Is it a good? I dont know.

I miss you, the picture flashed back in my memory the most, is actually when you asked me not to stare at you while you were eating sushi, I dont know why, I guess I just found that really cute.

You occupy a big part of my thoughts, and this would be great if I met you in England, it would be great if I were to study in Sweden, it would be great if there were not so many miles in between, even you are a girl, I would still ask you out properly if all the `if` were coming true tomorrow, I would probably make myself secure and tell you that I do care when you are with someone else, I would probably be more brave and hug you like what I really want.

I am, really, really stuck in the middle, on one side, I could not push myself forward, there is nothing I could do about the `if`s, on the other side, if we were to become friends, we probably could not, and possibly one day, we would then become facebook friends, then its really equivalent to losing you. We will have separate lives, there will be an inevitable point when we just have nothing to talk about, or we will both think what would be the point to keep, for example, sending messages. This is a depressive thought, I am not rational at all, but I try to be, and, I am completely lost.

I am coming to see you, thats a promise, and I would make my promise. Its nice when there is something to look forward to, I know you hate it, but there will be a day, someday, or perhaps we will be just way too busy to meet again after the summer. There is no worse or better choice, I hate this situation, stuck in the middle.

If love is an illusion and a strong emotion, then, I love you, Caroline. I could finally write down this line with calmness, I always thought I would rather die than writing down `love`, but I did, without hesitation, this final time.