日期：2011-10-16 01:14:10

早上以后，J问我你什么时间走，我说想早点走，午饭以后就走。她看了我一眼，因为我飞机是第二天早上，其实我可以待到4，5再走的，但是我实在是觉得没有必要待了。

她说我们去湖边坐一会吧。我说好。走到湖边，那里风很冷。我坐在那里，打开Rachmaninov的 Clinq Morceaux de fantaisie elégie in E flat minor, 这个piece 我很喜欢, 我们坐在那里不说话，我不想initiate 任何对话。她也没说话。突然我问她，你小时候长的什么样子，她说 I had a big head..然后我开始大笑。

她好像拿起相机拍了一张我的照片，我只记得风很大，阳光很大，很冷。

然后她和我说, I think studying history makes you a better person

很不幸的，今天夏天我实习的时候最讨厌的一个男的就是学的是history, 我说， that`s not true, it doesnt necessarily make you a better person, perhaps only more conscientious

然后我们就围绕这个争了20分钟。我直接告诉J, history is not a pure subject, therefore you dont have to be a genius to study it, as a result, I wont admire it. I`d rather take maths, music, literature than applied subjects such as history, engineering etc.

接着她就告诉我说，you are so arrogant.

然后我们打了一个车，到市中心。又挑了一家寿司店。坐在那里，我说，pls dont come to the train station with me, and no hug pls. 她看着我说，so you want me to leave the restaurant after the lunch? 我回答，potentially thats the idea...

她看着我说，you are so fucked...

后来我觉得实在过意不去，她很生气，我说好吧，那你可以陪我去train station. 在那里买完票，一个小时的时间等火车，

她看着我说，seriously? no hug?

我说，yep, you could leave now, thanks very much, it was nice seeing you

她一直看着我说，说, seriously??

我说， yep.

然后她说，bye, 然后她离开了。

我看着她离开，在她推开火车站门的时候，我有冲动走上去说，pls dont leave, 然后我又觉得，what`s the point, we both know that was the end, a not particularly beautiful ending, but still, an end.

我上了火车，没有发短信给她。没有她的短信。

日期：2011-10-18 21:59:06

我问她，tell me what you think, any doubts are welcome

她回的message

I dont know, i think that if we lived in the same place i`d like to have something more, but since do not its very complicated. And it seems very difficult for us to just stay friends without `doing something` when we meet. What`s your opinion? I know one thing at least and that is that I dont want to lose you whatever happens.

日期：2011-10-27 06:52:23

今晚和J说了三个小时的电话，不知道感觉我们真的比以前要认真很多。我问她能不能她过来，因为我最近很忙，她说她想见这个城市，所以她会过来。可能11月中旬吧。

她告诉我I miss you, 我说我也是。

日期：2011-10-27 23:35:00

It has been raining all day today, I told J that I would write her a poem and play her my favourite piano piece, gave her 100 roses and cook her linguine Pascatora with the best white wine when she is here.

She told me last night that she was walking around naked in her apartment and said, come and we would make love.

I said I finished reading `El Amante` in Spanish and Harry Potter I, she told me she was eating an chocolate cake, then she started to throw up in the cinema when she saw the Harry`s horrible fat uncle, so she never finished watching Harry Potter.

This stupid weather reminds me of Lord Byron, who was beautiful and sometimes lived solely on white wine and biscuits.